My name is dough. That’s right, I’m named after money. I also got the name because I bear a vague resemblance to the Pillsbury Doughboy. I’m the black sheep of the family because I am gravitationally challenged. You see, in my family, that’s not okay.
I spend a lot of time with the help because they feed me, and Michelle has me on a no fat turnip diet. I hate turnips.
I never knew my father, and my mother is living in some far off place with another dog.
My master got me as soon as the kids asked for a dog, but since I quickly gained weight, they hid me from the public eye. I go to therapy with a dog whisperer to deal with that issue. My therapist said I need to air my issues. If Jerry Springer was still on the air, I would go on his show. Since he’s not, I can vent on this column.
I am a writer. My last book was called, The Audacity of No Salt, and my previous book was called, The Power of the Cheeseburger. My first book was, Dreams From the Food Dish. I am currently writing, The Audacity of Fat Free Foods.
I am a Democrat, but I’m thinking about switching to Republican because of their views on McDonald’s and salt.
That pretty boy, Bo, gets all the attention. He gets to ride in Air Force One, while I have to hide in the butler’s pantry.
I am fed up, literally and figuratively, so I am going to out my bosses. Ask me anything, and I will answer anything that’s not arfidential (dogspeak for confidential). Aarful stuff will be shared. Just ask.
I have my own column and hope you will tune in.