Euphemistic Political Dictionary – Caution: Politically Incorrect!

0
Share

Euphemistic Political Dictionary
by Temerity Forthright

Today’s modern vernacular is a proverbial landmine for the politically unindoctrinated. Lest you commit a verbal crime and be found guilty in the Court of Public Opinion for using innocent sounding but politically incorrect colloquialisms, let me offer this tutorial in the proper use of American political terms. You are on your own, however, with regard to the Thought Police.

All terms are first defined from several online dictionary sources. I then include, for your education and amusement, my euphemistic definitions.

Euphemistic Political Dictionary Tutorial:

Affordable Care Act – landmark health reform legislation passed by the 111th Congress and signed into law by President Barack Obama in March 2010
Truth – health insurance no one can afford, but you can keep your doctor

Black Lives Matter – an international activist movement originating in the African-American community that campaigns against violence and systemic racism toward black people
Truth – a small group of people who think that the only black lives that matter are those who die while committing crimes after they are caught by police (but not the thousands of blacks who are murdered by other blacks annually in large cities)

Borders – a line separating two political or geographic areas, especially countries
Truth – a porous material through which anyone or anything can pass

Brownies – a small piece of sweet cake make with chocolate
Truth – a racist dessert

Capitalism – an economic and political system in which a country’s trade and industry are controlled by private owners for profit, not by the state
Truth – an economic system that endeavors to keep minorities trapped in poverty and living in crime-ridden slums

Climate change – a change in global or regional climate patterns, in particular a change apparent starting in the mid to late 20th century and attributed largely to the increased levels of atmospheric carbon dioxide produced by the use of fossil fuels
Truth – the middle ground between the ice age scare of the 1970s and the global warming alarm of the 1990s, neither of which could be proven (the anthropological component of which has been soundly debunked), where unseen entities manipulate industry and human behavior to conform to an unknown agenda for the purpose of redistributing wealth

Conservatives – people who believe in personal responsibility, limited government, free markets, individual liberty, traditional American values, and a strong national defense
Truth – people who try to keep other people from choosing to kill their unborn babies, but otherwise try not to dictate the habits and proclivities of others

Constitution – a document drafted by the Continental Convention that embodies the fundamental laws and principles by which the United States is governed
Truth – an archaic document created by white slave owners that is now irrelevant

Democrats – people who believe in ruling by the majority
Truth – local, state, and federal elected officials who fought viciously against civil rights from the 1950s to the 1970s and who now claim to be the champions of minorities and the downtrodden

Emails – messages sent by electronic means from one device to one or more recipients via a network
Truth – technology used to send classified and top secret information to hostile governments with impunity, endangering our national security and jeopardizing the lives of our operatives behind enemy lines

Equal opportunity – treating people without discrimination, especially based on gender, race, age, or religion
Truth – equal outcome regardless of effort

Free speech – the right to express any opinion without censorship or restraint
Truth – a small zone set aside far away from public ears for the purpose of saying what you want say under the protection of the First Amendment

Guns – a weapon using projectiles that are propelled by explosive force
Truth – inanimate objects capable of spontaneously firing and killing people

Hate crimes – crimes motivated by racial, gender, religious, or other prejudice
Truth – doing or saying anything someone else doesn’t agree with

History – the chronological account of past events, countries, or a people
Truth – malleable events

Illegal immigration – entering the United States from a foreign country without permission by avoiding inspection and the established legal process
Truth – sneaking into America from a foreign country out of love

Islamic Jihad – the religious duty of Muslims to maintain and spread their religion
Truth – no definition available, it does not exist

Law enforcement – a system by which members of a society act in an organized manner to enforce the laws
Truth – a group of uniformed officers who intentionally target violent individuals while they are in the process of committing crimes

Microaggression – intentional or unintentional everyday verbal and nonverbal slights or snubs which communicate hostile or negative messages to people based on being part of a marginalized group
Truth – anything you say or do can and will be used against you

Minimum wage – the lowest hourly wage allowed by law
Truth – socialism that forces employers to lay off thousands of workers and raise prices

Minorities – a smaller group of people whose members have less control or power then the larger group of people
Truth – people who are encouraged to take advantage of the political system and to use any excuse in order to get an advantage, and then not have to work after they get it

Multiculturalism – co-existence of diverse cultures
Truth – a social environment where diverse cultures stay in separate enclaves and complain about other cultures thereby eradicating the national pride Americans used to have in their country

Liberals – people who believe in using policies from the government to solve problems
Truth – progressives who think that vilifying their opponents constitutes a strategy

People of color – all non-whites
Truth – people more entitled than whites who encourage whites to feel guilty about their heritage and skin color

Protected class – members of a group who cannot be targeted for discrimination
Truth – a group of people deemed to be historically discriminated against even though they have been given federally mandated preferential treatment for the past 40 or 50 years (Title IX – 1972 and Affirmative Action – 1961)

Public colleges/ universities – an educational institution designed for instruction in advanced learning
Truth – government school monopolies used to indoctrinate and brainwash young adults and future voters

Public education – schools maintained at public expense for the education of children, especially free elementary and secondary schools
Truth – government school monopolies used to indoctrinate children and prepare them for public colleges and universities

Racism – the belief that members of each race possess characteristics or abilities specific to that race so as to distinguish inferiority or superiority
Truth – anything a white person says or does or thinks

Republicans – people who believe in a system of government where citizens choose who represents them
Truth – white people who cling to their guns and their Bibles

Tea party – a political movement of conservatives that protested the government starting in 2009
Truth – a light meal served at 4 PM

Wall Street – the historic New York headquarters of the largest brokerage firms and investment banks
Truth – the group of people who contribute to America by giving us the best politicians that money can buy

Welfare – financial support provided by the government for people in need
Truth – a career path that locks in an entire block of future voters

Whites – people having origins in other people from Europe, the Middle East, or North Africa (aka Caucasian)
Truth – automatically and inherently racist people of European descent

White privilege – advantages or immunities that white people benefit from on a daily basis, with or without their conscious knowledge that helps maintain their racial hierarchy
Truth – being born white

 

Sources: Definitions were found on various websites including, but not limited to, Wikipedia, Merriam-Webster, Dictionary.com, The Free Dictionary, and Urban Dictionary.

Share