“At this time I’d like you to turn your attention to Michelle’s viewing box. Initially we’d planned, in recognition of the victims of gun violence, to keep one seat empty. But the extraordinarily heroic actions of a Philadelphia Police Officer moved me to make a change. I ask that we all take a moment to salute a truly courageous American, Jesse Hartnett.
As all of you know Officer Hartnett, not only fended off the 13 shot assault of radical Islamic Extremist assassin, Edward Archer, he pursued, shot and wounded his cowardly assailant. Jesse did all this even after having suffered 3 very serious, gun shot wounds to his left arm.
(Thunderous lengthy applause)
(When applause subsides Barack continues)
Many in tonight’s audience, whether watching here in this hallowed chamber, or from the comfort of their homes, may have noted I applied language describing this contemptible gunman, that I’ve previously never used. I’ve labeled Archer what he is; a radical Islamist.
(Stunned silence, followed by an enthusiastic response from the GOP, less so from Democrats)
The events on that darkened street in Philadelphia, followed by reports from Police Captain James Clark and Commissioner Richard Ross Jr., highlighting not only the valor of Officer Hartnett, but the religiously inspired motives of this would be jihadist, have led me to what some might call an epiphany.
Watching the video, while listening to Capt. Clark say, “He (Archer) pledges his allegiance to the Islamic State, that he follows Allah, and that is the reason he was called upon to do this.” marked the beginning of my transition. Seeing a man dressed in Muslim garb launch an unprovoked attack on a member of our law enforcement community, and hearing Commissioner Ross state, “He has confessed to committing this cowardly act in the name of Islam. According to him, he believes the police defend laws that are contrary to the teachings of the Koran.” leaves me no other choice but to label these kinds of assaults as Radical Islamic Terrorism!
(Wiping a tear from his cheek, receiving roaring approval, especially from Republicans)
(Obama, lowering his sometimes cracking voice proceeds)
I mean a person plotting the cold-blooded murder of a Police Officer simply because it’s that public servant’s sworn duty to enforce our nation’s laws is a frightening look inside the mind of a radical jihadist. That he or she would kill those who protect us from harm because our laws don’t conform to the teachings of the Koran, is perhaps more dangerous and terrifying still.
So, thank you Police Officer Jesse Hartnett! Not only has your heroism inspired a grateful nation, but the whole of your near deadly confrontation, has shed some apparently, long overdue light on this president’s view of an enemy I’ve previously failed to properly identify.
We are at war, and our foes strike us in the name of Radical Islam. Following your fearless example, I will aggressively and relentlessly lead not only this nation’s charge, but the world’s fight against this savage scourge!”
(A 5 minute standing ovation from the entire chamber)
NAH! Just kidding! Expect these remarks not to come during Obama’s next State of the Union, but on the day immediately following Hell’s freezing over.