Tim Bishop Is Not for the Birds

For those who haven’t heard, Rep. Tim Bishop (D-CD 1) allegedly secured permits for a constituent’s fireworks display at the same time his campaign workers and his fundraising daughter asked the constituent for a donation.

Unfortunately, the location chosen for the display is protected because of the wildlife in the area. The Piping Plover is one of the protected species that was affected. One Plover, Harry Plover, lost much of his hearing from the explosive fireworks.

Dough the Obama dog, known for his work as an animal rights activist, flew into Long Island on Marine One last night to interview Harry Plover [Read about Bishopgate here.]

Dough taking off from the White House.

Dough on Marine One

Dough gave us the exclusive. We have the transcript below. Dough knows sign language which helped the interview go smoothly. Harry learned sign language in a month – no wonder we’re trying to save all these Piping Plovers.

FULL TRANSCRIPT:

Dough: The President is very environmentally conscious and dispatched me up here on Marine One to check out what is happening with his feathered friends. He has often said he sees potential for using Piping Plovers as live drones.

Harry Pover: Huh? what?

Dough: So, how are you doing Harry? I heard you were up in Martha’s Vineyard on vacation last summer.

Harry Plover: Yes, but it was hardly a pleasant vacation with Bo the other Obama dog chasing me and my cousins all over the beach. She’s annoying and quite snooty.

Dough: Tell me about it. How are you doing since the fireworks disaster which caused serious mental and physical harm to the wildlife in the area?

Harry Plover: Not good. The fireworks display was terrifying. Many rare wildlife are now fleeing Long Island for Manhattan where they are planning to take up residence on the roof of the U.N. where they will find safety. I thought Tim Bishop was an environmentalist but it turns out he’s not.

There’s a war on birds here and Bishop is not FOR the birds. I have to say though that Barack Obama is for the birds.

Dough: That’s an interesting take shared by many. Has it been determined that the fireworks caused your deafness.

Harry Plover: Most likely but it could have been from listening to the loud Megadeth music that my neighbor blasts.

Dough: Oh, Megadeth, my master won’t let them play that at the White House anymore. Seems they said Obama was turning this country into Nazi America.

Harry Plover: He isn’t?

Dough: Since that’s a sensitive topic, let’s move FORWARD. What’s your next step Harry? Are you planning to contact Tim Bishop?

Harry Plover: I am a member of the Progressive Plover Caucus and we are putting together a lawsuit. Alan Dershowitz has agreed to take the case.

Dough: My understanding is that President Obama is putting out another Executive Order forbidding all fireworks displays in America. Mayor Bloomberg is going to be his point person on this. Americans will be asked to celebrate Independence Day with daisy displays instead of fireworks displays. It will help the daisy growers and no one has ever been hurt by a daisy.

Dough: Is there anything the President can do to help you and your friends?

Harry Plover: I am unhappy with the Obamacare. Look at the stupid hearing aids they gave me.

Dough: Those are top of the line for Obamacare recipients. They’re left over from the first World War and we want to eliminate waste in government. You’ll be happy to know however that the President is prepared to provide subsidies and a new Chevy Volt for all Plovers who wish to relocate out of Long Island.

Harry Plover: The President will win back the Plover vote with the subsidy, but the Volt, not so much.

Dough: I didn’t know Plovers voted.

Harry Plover: Only in states without Voter Photo ID laws.

Dough: Right, let’s discuss that off the record. Well, thank you for this great interview Harry. Any last words?

Harry Plover: Yes, would President Obama consider substituting the Volt with a Ford Expedition?

Dough: I have to get back to D.C. now. I know that witch Bo the Obama dog is putting her sniffer into my things. Rahm couldn’t stand the little pest and sent her a dead fish as a message. Without Rahm, she’s running amok. I’m thinking of chasing her to Virginia when I get back, but Virginia doesn’t allow vermin in from D.C.

Well, it’s been a pleasure Harry and I wish you good look for your future endeavors.

Harry Plover: Same here. I’ll tell the guys not to poop on your helicopter on the way out.

Dough: Much appreciated.

TRANSCRIPT ENDS

They did talk privately about voting as a bird, but the only thing Dough would share with the Sentinel is that his master needs to make every vote count. He is planning to rally the vote in Ohio National Cemetery to get out the deceased vote. From there he’ll go to the pound for the cat and dog vote, the ones he doesn’t eat that is.

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