Snowpocalypse Hits New York! No Batteries Left Anywhere!


Jonas Hits Long Island

It’s here! The “terrifying” snow storm Jonas you’ve all heard about has left two feet of snow in DC and is now pummeling New York. People in the warm states are hoping we make it through here in snowmaggedon country. All the snow is because of global warming of course. Eighty-five million are in Jonas’ path.

Now that we name snowstorms, shouldn’t we name every climate event?

There could be Tornado Tillie, Earthquake Ethel, Cold Snap Justin Bieber, Dense Fog Fanny, Sizzling Summer Sallie, Heatwave Harvey, High Tide Tony, Terrorist Attack Mohammed, and on and on. In the interest of the climate change religion, we should do it.

Not everyone in New York is afraid. We’ve had seven car accidents on Long Island and two of them were drunk drivers. They braved the snow while drunk.

It’s really just another heavy New York snow storm with a lot of wind. Being a lifelong New Yorker, I can say I’ve seen many but now we have global warming and the earth is going to come to an end if we don’t let totalitarians have all our money and tell us what to do.


The carrying on to drum up viewers and promote global warming makes us look like wusses here. What the people in Utah must think of us!

Fortunately, New Yorkers emptied the supermarket shelves, bought up all the milk, batteries and shovels in preparation for this cataclysmic event Greta Van Susteren described as “terrifying”.

New Yorkers are out with their rulers measuring how much snow they have so they can inform the news media here. When it reached 6 inches, the panic set in.

We will keep you updated.

You will be happy to know that Obama is generously awarding $1 billion of our taxpayer dollars to 13 cities and towns to build climate resilient communities. It’s historic and liberals will get the funds. How much will be used for payoffs?


There is absolutely zero indication that this will be another Hurricane Sandy but Chris Hayes thinks it is and it is the result of climate change.

Hayes said 2015 was the hottest year on record but failed to mention that NOAA had to make the other hottest years colder by changing the records to make this happen.


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