What You Might Not Know About Barack Obama


King Obama I and Michelle Antoinette

Photo of our royal family, His Highness Barack Obama and Michelle Antoinette

Now that Congress and the Supreme Court of the United States have finally been dispatched, we have comfortably settled into a monarchy. Mr. Obama doesn’t have to deal with a big, messy, tough democracy any longer and he no longer has to envy the Chinese who don’t have a Congress to deal with.

Mr. Obama has done a fine job of ignoring Congress when they refuse to do what he wants. ‘They have to do their work,’ he says. Two days ago, his spokesperson, John Earnest, said that Mr. Obama will unilaterally impose a $5 a year tax on cell phones but it’s not an end-run around Congress since they are ‘dysfunctional.’

Earnest added, “Unfortunately, we haven’t seen a lot of action in Congress, so the president has advocated an administrative, unilateral action to get this done.”

The energy sector will soon be nationalized under the king thanks to the EPA regulations about to crash down on them.

Obamacare and other laws are regularly written and re-written from the White House palace. Remember when the Congress was in charge of legislating? I know, it’s a stretch to remember back that far. Congress is still there, encased in that Dome, unheard from mostly.

Sometimes states like Arizona think they can enforce laws King Obama has chosen to ignore but fortunately, the king has Eric Holder just waiting to sue them.

Congress can still give awards and attend ceremonies and Congress can still hold hearings on various White House scandals. The process is simple. Congress demands documentation and gets it months later completely redacted, while the scandalous behavior continues.

They’re ‘phony’ scandals anyway.

The AP, James Rosen, Fast & Furious, NSA, IRS scandals – all phony! The IRS is still targeting conservatives and we have the proof, how phony is that? The king declared it to be so, and so it is done. Romney donors believe they were targeted by the IRS – phony!

Mr. Obama didn’t like DOMA, US immigration law, restrictions on welfare, et al so he didn’t enforce the laws.

He decided to delay parts of the Obamacare law. That’s not allowed under the Constitutional, but he didn’t let that old thing get in his way. It’s dead you know. Sometimes it’s living. When they want to change it, it’s living, and when they don’t like it, it’s dead.

Mr. Obama wanted to replace No child Left Behind with his more collectivist version of it called Race to the Top, so he gave No child Left Behind waivers to states if they accepted his requirements. He would have had absolutely no right to alter this law if he wasn’t a king.

His waivers meant students didn’t have to reach minimum standards but teachers’ evaluations are tied to the unreliable test scores. It’s about time somebody did something stupid like this!

He wants us to give up a ‘pinch’ of sovereignty to bind ourselves to the statists and dictators in the UN with gun treaties, treaties that intrude on the rights of parents, treaties that turn over a percentage of our profits from our own resources or resources we have developed, and treaties that allow a UN International Court to supersede our Constitution.

It’s not clear if he can get around the Senate on those yet. He can always bully them and see how that works. It seemed to work on Justice Roberts.

He is a benevolent king unless we’re bad, then we get banned from the White House. If we try to cut the budget, that’s bad. We have to pay for that, not with our head fortunately.

We have trillion dollar deficits and a $17 trillion dollar debt but Obamabots assure us that he has been the smallest government spender since Eisenhower! Pelosi said unemployment benefits help the economy and the new EPA chief said regulations increase jobs (she must mean in the government enforcement divisions).

Our king knows where we are and what we are doing at all times thanks to the NSA. Unfortunately, they didn’t know where the Boston bombers were and they didn’t know about Nadal Hassan. Oops, I forgot the Hassan affair was merely workplace violence.

Kings don’t like elections. They’re pesky too but with the planned bans on Voter ID laws, the elites should be able to continue corrupting the vote.

That reminds me. The SCOTUS struck down the The Voting Rights Act and the states under the restrictions of the Act were able to put in Voter ID laws. That’s not much of a problem because Eric Holder is suing them with our taxpayer money.

When the conservative groups tried to spend money on elections after Citizens United was found to be constitutional by SCOTUS, Obama’s IRS was able to target them anyway. Neat!

The king has a sense of humor too. Sending his armed Keystone cops from Fish & Wildlife into Gibson Guitar factories for a faux violation of an obscure law was hysterical.

It was pretty funny when Fish & Wildlife stopped the Keystone XL pipeline by declaring common wildflowers endangered.

And who could forget the Mississippi Gopher Frog. The frog is keeping thousands of acres of public and PRIVATE land under the EPA thumb.

Remember when Obama stole the raisins from the raisin farmers and then told them they couldn’t even go to court to seek compensation? The raisin farmers – Horne v. Department of Agriculture – won their case at the SCOTUS. Even kings have their challenges!

Sometimes the annoying Constitution does win out and get in the king’s way. According to the SCOTUS, the EPA violated the Constitution to enforce the Clean Water Act in the case of an Idaho couple, Mike and Chantel Sackett. The Sacketts tried to build their dream home and the EPA falsely claimed the land was wetland long after they bought it. It’s dry as a bone but the EPA didn’t let that stop them. What troopers! They then told them they had no judicial recourse. The family won their case to sue in Sacketts v. EPA.

In Hosanna-Tabor v. EEOC, the administration said religious freedom doesn’t apply to churches that fire employees teaching theology. The administration lost when it reached the SCOTUS.

In US v. Jones, the administration tried to say the government had the right to fasten a GPS tracking device to a car and the 4th Amendment didn’t apply. The king isn’t a fan of the 4th Amendment. It’s right up there with the 1st and 2nd.

The USDA is wasting billions of our dollars, with King Obama’s approval, in the massive Pigford fraud. The case was used to give reparations to blacks, Hispanics and Native-Americans.

The Labor Department is abusing their powers. Obama’s recess appointments of the National Labor Relations Board were declared unconstitutional but that hasn’t slowed them down. They’re ignoring SCOUTS. I guess they have to act where SCOTUS fails to act.

The Labor Department continues to bully small businesses with unreasonable demands. Unions want to unionize every business. The NLRB is now an arm of the labor unions. They are forcing employers to post large union notices and turn over employee contact numbers, to name just two impositions. 

The Labor Department is forcing rushed unionization. The king likes socialist unions, they’re easier to control you know.

King Obama’s Education Department is pushing Common Core Standards. The Standards include national standardized tests which have the end result of nationalizing education despite the fact that it is unconstitutional to do so. The tests do an end-run around the Constitution, that silly old thing.

If we get into foreign affairs, we can go through the many leaks out of his administration, some of which involve Israeli security, but he is the king after all.

He also has the perks of royalty and hops from vacation to golf trip to vacation. He has a food taster because someone might want to poison him. I can’t imagine why anyone would want to do that! His dog has his own private plane.

I think I’ve proven my case. Mr. Obama is the king, making us his vassals. I’m being a little satirical obviously, but not much.