Sneaky Pete Buttigieg declares victory with 0% of the vote in

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St. Pete Buttigieg, the ex-mayor of South Bend, Indiana, declared victory with zero percent of the vote in last night.

“Tonight, an improbable hope became an undeniable reality,” Buttigieg told a cheering crowd in Iowa. “So we don’t know all the results, but we know by the time it’s all said and done — Iowa, you have shocked the nation. Because by all indications, we are going on to New Hampshire victorious.”

“Tonight, Iowa chose a new path,” said one tweet from Buttigieg’s official Twitter account. Another congratulated Iowans for having “proved those skeptics wrong.”

“I want to thank every member of our campaign family, every organizer, every volunteer, every caucus-goer who talked to a neighbor or a coworker, every PeteforAmerica supporter who believed” #IowaCaucuses

The Iowa Caucuses failed last night and they can’t get the numbers out so sneaky Pete jumped right in and said he was victorious.

“The skeptics said ‘not now,'” said one tweet. “‘Not this time.’ All this talk of ‘belonging,’ of bridging divides, is too naive. Too risky. So tonight I say—with a heart filled with gratitude—Iowa, you’ve proved those skeptics wrong.”

MAYOR CHEAT

St. Pete is being called Mayor Cheat.

CONSPIRACY THEORIES HAVE BEGUN UNDER #CIAPete

The failed mayor of the tiny depressed city of South Bend might not be far off.

BERNIE WON BUT BUTTIGIEG IS ON HIS BUTT

Bernie Sanders’ presidential campaign was prepared. On Tuesday morning, they released internal reporting numbers from about 40 percent of precincts that participated in the Iowa caucus.

The numbers released by Sanders’ campaign came hours after the state’s Democratic Party said they could not release official results because of “inconsistencies” in the numbers.

Sanders’ internal figures showed the Vermont socialist [communist] led all rivals with more than 29 percent of caucus support.

According to the numbers, Sanders was trailed by former South Bend, Indiana, Mayor Pete Buttigieg, who had more than 24 percent. Close behind him was Sen. Elizabeth Warren, who had support from more than 21 percent.

Former Vice President Joe Biden was in a far-flung fourth place, according to the numbers, and had just 12 percent support in the caucus.


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